Emotional Intelligence In A Shutdown World with Shelly Burman Rubera

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Sean Morgan  00:01
Hello everyone, I'm here with Shelley Berman Ribera. Shelly, can you do a quick introduction so people understand where you're coming from who you are what you do. Hi, Sean.
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  00:09
My name is Shelley Berman Ribera. I'm a business strategist certified emotional intelligence leader and a business coach.
 
Sean Morgan  00:17
Great. You know, we were talking earlier about just what everyone's going through right now everyone's literally at the end of their rope going crazy. They're kind of making it worse with the media, just putting in our face, other people going crazy. We've been cooped up locked up in our homes for a long time. A lot of people have feeling insecurity because of money. And maybe they're not they're unemployed, or they have another situation. They're worried about their business. And so everyone in their house is going a little crazy. They're going a little crazy. And I'm saying crazy, but hey, lots of feelings, anxiety, depression, other emotions. So let's talk about Shelley. I'm going to pick your brain a little bit about How does someone if they're a business owner or small business person, entrepreneur, why is emotional? Why is the emotional side important to consider?
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  01:11
You know, I want to agree with you never before have I experienced people in my own family and my clients, my business clients. Everybody's talking in this heightened voice. No one has the ability to have a conversation. Every story is told with this heightened pitch and big reactions and big feelings. And not only do emotions derail logic, they get into the way of making concrete decisions of treating each other with respect. That we are over the top we as a culture, like you said, stuck home longer than we thought not even really wanting to go back out into the world. world not knowing whether it's safe or what it's like, and the new normal is not defined. And I think think motions are running high and affecting business, personal and business decisions. Right, right.
 
Sean Morgan  02:15
Yeah, definitely people. People don't know whether to invest or not. There's some some logical decisions that have an emotional component, hey, should I invest in my business? Should I pivot? Should I try something new? And then there's this analysis paralysis, and the fact that people are feeling emotional that puts them in that fight or flight state, and they're not able to make the best decisions, and they might just kind of get stuck. So can you tell me about your framework and where emotions come into that and why that's a component of that.
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  02:54
Yes, so I created a strategic framework. It's a framework that I have proven helps business owners grow and helps businesses propel. There are six steps. The first step is commitment. Second step is focus. Third step is differentiating and marketing your business. The fourth step is creating relationships. The fifth step is managing emotion. The sixth is accountability. But where does managing emotion fit in here? So people ask me all the time, do you have a step on time management? I believe that time management is emotional management. You walk in, you look at your desk, your to do list has to do lists. And you say, oh, where do I begin? That's emotion. So when you can say, Okay, I'm overwhelmed. What are the top three things I need to do? You found a way to manage the emotion. That's just one example. I think, recognizing what you're feeling. Like really, I can talk about myself. I'm not anxious person. I've never really experienced anxiety. But there have been times in the past period of time, where not only do I get hot, it's not a hot flash. But I'm like, why am I all of a sudden so flushed? In my heart is beating, pounding. So much is my heart pounding? What is that about? When you start to recognize what's going on in your mind and your body? Then you start to say, I'm anxious. I'm having anxiety. Now you've been able to articulate what's happening. And that's the only way that you can really deal with it, deal with it. But when people's heart is racing and their lungs are filled with, you know, exuberance and yelling at people, no one can hear you. You can't even hear yourself, right? Or if you're talking to a co worker or an employee, that heightened anxious voice, you can't be heard
 
Sean Morgan  04:54
 Right? Yeah. You said step four was relationships which makes me think about how when you make the wrong choice with your your behavior related to your emotions. You can burn bridges with employees, co workers, partners clients. So so that that can work against you. So sometimes it's not just about innovating and doing something spectacular to increase revenue. It's also about just not burning bridges and not making mista
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  05:28
es. So, part of what I feel is happening is that people's varying points of view, in  olitics in pr judice. And an opinion is severing a lot of relationships when you start to realize that someone that you care a lot about or that you work with, does not think or feel the way you do. And so managing emotion around boundaries. You know, I have best friends that have totally different political views than mine. And we agree that it's just not a conversation we should ever, ever have because it could ruin the relation hip. So I think to go back to a glove, I'd love to be able to have our listeners have some tips. When feelings are heightened, and they are right now, in every aspect. There are a couple of things. One is it's a little formula it's called vet. It's very important when someone else's feelings are heightened to validate what they're feeling. I'm sorry, you're having a hard time. I'm sorry, you feel this way. I'm sorry. Life is so hard. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just Express empathy for where they are and validate or even to be able to say it's totally understandable that you are feeling Like this validated, the seco d is E, whi
 
Sean Morgan  07:05
h means I think this is a good time to mention a mistake that I've made with this, that people can really relate to because this is this happens very commonly in relationships between men and women, where last night my wife was talking to me about how she felt depressed because she doesn't have a job and she wants to have a job. And my immediate reaction was logical instead of emotional. And it was also I felt kind of offended, in a way. And so I reacted instead of empathizing. And so I was like, Hey, why don't you just apply to jobs online, you don't have to get a job in real life. And she she was offended she it just ended the whole conversation immediately because I came at it with the wrong vibe and the wrong just wasn't validating her
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  07:57
at all. Because when someone's hurting, they don't aren't looking for solution, they're looking for empathy. Right? So validate the feeling is for empathy and explore. It's an opportunity not to tell someone what to do. It's an opportunity to ask the question, lexicons explore what's possible. Someone just needs you to be curious enough about them or about the situation. I feel your frustration. Would you like to talk about what's possible
 
Sean Morgan  08:31
 Right? Right, that that's it's a it's not a heavy handed way. But I can imagine working with employees, coworkers, clients in this kind of way, would result in you being seen as a trusted adviser. Even though you're not advising you're actually helping them explore th
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  08:51
ir own. So if a client calls me with heightened emotion, I'm going to validate I'm going to empathize and explore what's going on. By having that conversation, we're able to the final T of that is transform the direction of what's happening. So whether that be with my client, everybody needs a place to spill. Everybody needs a place to say this is so hard, or I'm frustrated or I'm sad or I'm frightened. Everybody needs that without someone trying to fix it. Right? With my client the other day, she said, I'm That's it, it's too much for me. homeschooling parenting, getting employees to do what they're supposed to do. Managing employees emotions, so they're going off the cuff because they're working at home and they're homeschooling in their own parenting. So you feel like this volcano or everybody right now and this is actually the right analogy is exploding. And so if all the emotions are exploding, then what you and I are saying is identify the feeling manage the emotion you cannot. You canno  take a tough situation and make it worse. What do you think is the thing that we nee  to do? You talked to me a little bit
 
Sean Morgan  10:24
before. Yeah, you cut out there for a minu
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  10:28
es. But I said when you you and I talked before about what you feel that some needs to happen when fear and anxiety t
 
Sean Morgan  10:37
keover, right, I was say ng that we can have this paralysis, where we do nothing because we're anxious about something or afraid of something or depressed about something. And we might even be angry. You know, for example, a lot of people are angry about what's going on right now. People are rioting in the streets. People don't like what the Police policies our people don't like what the politicians are doing on both sides. And so they'll take all that emotion and just suppress it and just push it inside, push it down and push it down until it turns in to something bad or it comes out in the wrong place at the wrong person. And I've just noticed that as soon as we take one step, one little tiny action in the direction that's constructive. Then all the depression and all the anxiety and all the anger and all the bad stuff just evaporates. For example, there are people who get really upset about the environment, they feel like Oh, the rain forest is being burned down. I feel like a victim like I can't do anything about it. But then as soon as they actually make a donation or actually join an organization, they feel better or there's poor people in the world as soon as you volunteer and you're helping someone even Though it's a tiny little thing, you're helping maybe one person, you feel better about the whole situation. Same thing with work with business and entrepreneurship. You just have to take that one step in the right direc
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  12:15
ion. In an emotional intelligence, the three points I want to make, you know, what is emotional intelligence? emotional intelligence is the ability to connect your head, your logic with your heart, your feeling. So we know if we make all decisions because I know I'm right. I know I'm right. Everything is from the intellect. You're wrong. If you make all decisions from your heart, because you feel that way you feel that way. You're wrong. It's the ability to take a pause, to just simply stop. not have those big blowouts not make everything a bigger catastrophe, to take a pause and to connect your head to your heart and to be able to say What am I thinking? What am I feeling And what's my next most appropriate step which ties into what you're saying, do something, do something, volunteer, send a donation, make a difference. And even in my own work, I can find that I can get on the phone or on zoom. And it's 7am in the morning, and I look up and I'm like, it's nine. I haven't even got out of this chair, the self discipline, and the logic and the feeling says, You've got to get up, get out of here, go take a pause, eat something, move your body, but it's doing something positive for the good of others or for the good of yourself, that can get you from sheer emotion. Right before I'm sitting at the desk saying I can't do any zoom anymore. I can't sit here any longer. You've got to take a pause. A concrete d
 
Sean Morgan  13:53
cision. Yeah, you know, I think one of the things we were going to talk about today was people who want to be entrepreneurs. And the thing is, people are so used to having a boss or a manager tell them what to do that their all of their motivation is linked to that external, you know, source and the reason why you and I have been able to be entrepreneurs is because when we feel stuck, we have created a habit out of actually just taking action. For example, with my YouTube channel, I've noticed that people really respond to my short videos. So if I can just make one five minute video per day and make that a habit. If I just do that, it's like just showing up in a way, then everything moves forward. So I make that little tiny thing, my daily goal, and I think that people are going to notice it is this is a perfect time to kind of experiment with being an entrepreneur. If you're Not one if you're, you know, in a lockdown or you're unemployed, or you know, you have this opportunity as an independent contractor to get unemployment in small business loans, there's this little opportunity right now, to experiment with being an entrepreneur and not having a manager tell you what to do, but tell yourself what to do and then actually c
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  15:20
mpleted or just take the discipline to have the self exploration. And I'll  how you it's a mag c wand. And I always say if I gave you a magic wand if I spread my magic wand and I said, Okay, you can do whatever you wanted to do tomorrow. What would that be? So even giving yourself the opportunity to entertain the idea of starting a business, what would it be? Who am I how do I
 
Sean Morgan  15:55
how up? And then and then there is that one little step that you could take and I think most people, just don't take The first step, for example, why not just play around with different fonts and see what kind of logo you could create for your imaginary business? You know, that's one step towards having the business, you literally could not have that business until you have a name and you pick a name. And you choose what it's going to look like. And you you get a logo together, the simple things that are not e
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  16:23
pensive picking an industry and market research, right. You know, if you want it to be a house painter, I would go and look at 40 different house painting websites and see what does it look like? What does it feel like? Is that something I want to do? But you know, I think what's most important is that in all the chaos, Shawn, the world is still a great place to be that we are still in a land of opportunity, that we are our own worst enemies. And that if we don't take this time right now To find a way to practice optimism, intrinsic motivation and find the drive to make a difference to others and to yourself. It's a lost period of time. And but my goal with you, in our conversations is to bring some light energy and knowledge. We've both been, you know, I've been self employed more than half my life. It's not a choice everybody has to make, but it is a commitment. And I'm just with you, we're trying to send some  ositiv
 
Sean Morgan  17:40
 energy there. I like how you said already. We're in the land of opportunity. You know, that's something I realized when I traveled abroad. How lucky we are to be in a jurisdiction like the United States where we can easily start a business we don't have all these different, a bunch of red tape to get started. And a lot of us have have just the privilege to you know, have savings or to to have time right now to do that. And the whole emotional side, there's an opportunity when you become empathetic to your, your clients or your prospects or your partners, and you understand what their needs are there. There may be their physical needs, but also their emotional needs. Then you do that's the opportunity you when you solve their problems when you meet their needs. That's your product, that's your service. And it's all about helping people. It's all about solving p
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  18:37
oblems. It's definitely about the expression of concern and caring for your fellow man. Really, my fellow man you know, I happen to love small b siness. And I do believe small business has what saved our last five rec ssions. I believe small business we'll see But now, and we need people to be optimistic, and full of possibility, and willing to take the challenge. And I really mean this stop taking it out on each other, whether it's in your house, whether it's at work, whether it's your employer, no one solely responsible, we, as a culture, need to step up and put a smile on our face, even if we don't feel like smiling. But, I mean, I literally haven't gone out that much. I went out and someone was riding the rear end of my car and beeping at me, and I'm like, Okay, so how does that ad ? You know, I didn't do anything wrong, you're already angry. And we have your emceeing. So it's all about what we bring to th
 
Sean Morgan  19:45
 situation. And I think if people do an inventory of what their own emotional needs are, then they're going to realize what other people's emotional needs are. And if you can come up with a product or a service to help people with one of those. That's that's very productive to look at things that way at this moment, because that's kind of what this whole video series is that you and I've been doing is, how can you be an entrepreneur during this pandemic time. And so do an inventory of your own emotions of your own needs. Not just emotional, but all the needs that you have right now. And like, for example, here's something non emotional. My wife and I always buy bulk organic foods like we buy oatmeal, oats and nuts and all kinds of different things. Himalayan sea salt, we always go to this district. It's in the city that we live in, and we get all this stuff really cheap. But we can, you know, everything's been shut down for months. So we haven't been able to buy all that stuff. And she said, Oh, there should be a delivery service for bulk organic foods. I'm like, Yes, that's a really, really good idea we've all been using. Uber Eats like these companies are getting rich right now because they're solvin
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  21:02
 a problem. So that's the goal. What's the problem? And how can I solve it? That's everybody's homework. What's the problem? And what's the problems? And how can I solve it? So what what I would love you know, if you have a large audience, anybody that has a question that they would like answered in terms of starting a business, manag ng emotion, you know, em
 
Sean Morgan  21:27
il you, and we'll try to put a link below you guys can reach out to me or Shelly. And if you want to learn more about her six step framework, you can just go to her website, small bus results, and I'll put that link be
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  21:39
ow as well. Okay, To be continued, and I we just both of us from our hearts to all of you just be positive. Manage your emotion and just take a step forward, do something to help someone else a
 
Sean Morgan  21:55
d yourself. Amen. Thank you
 
Shelley Berman Ribera  21:56
 All right. I'll talk to you. Thank you. By